Domestic abuse is a horrendous practice that has been prevalent throughout the world and history. The Quran uses a specific approach to eliminate wife beating, as explained in the footnote of 4:34 by Dr. Rashad Khalifa. This method aims to guide individuals toward a righteous path and address the root causes of abusive behavior.
God prohibits wife-beating by using the best psychological approach. For example, if I don’t want you to shop at Market X, I will ask you to shop at Market Y, then at Market Z, then, as a last resort, at Market X. This will effectively stop you from shopping at Market X, without insulting you. Similarly, God provides alternatives to wife-beating; reasoning with her first, then employing certain negative incentives. Remember that the theme of this sura is defending the women’s rights and countering the prevalent oppression of women. Any interpretation of the verses of this sura must be in favor of the women. This sura’s theme is “protection of women.”
4:34 The men are made responsible for the women, and GOD has endowed them with certain qualities, and made them the bread earners. The righteous women will cheerfully accept this arrangement, since it is GOD’s commandment, and honor their husbands during their absence. If you experience rebellion from the women, you shall first talk to them, then (you may use negative incentives like) deserting them in bed, then you may (as a last alternative) beat them. If they obey you, you are not permitted to transgress against them. GOD is Most High, Supreme.
Yet, the path to stop the abuser does not end with this verse. As we will see, this protocol to get a person to stop “shoping at Market X” continues in the verses that follow.
ALCOHOL AND DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
In the latest episode of the Jordan Peterson Podcast, “Meaning, Depression, & the Weight of the World,” Dr. Peterson addressed an audience in Dublin. In the final 20 minutes of the talk, which at the moment is not yet available on YouTube, Dr. Peterson was asked about his views on alcohol, at just past the 1hr 41 min mark. His response highlighted several critical points:
Dr. Peterson stated that alcohol not only impairs self-control but is the only drug known to incite violence. He emphasized that alcohol is a significant factor in domestic abuse and sexual assault, suggesting that many such cases would disappear if alcohol were removed from the equation.
He referenced a study he conducted to explore the connection between aggression and alcohol. The study found that people’s proclivity for violence, aggression towards others, and desire to see others suffer increased under the influence of alcohol.
Given these insights, it is unsurprising that women were the leading advocates for the Prohibition movement in America from 1920 to 1933. Many women experienced firsthand the destructive effects of alcohol on family life. Alcohol abuse often led to domestic violence, causing emotional and physical harm to wives and children. Moreover, husbands who drank excessively wasted money on alcohol, leading to financial instability and neglect of family needs, exacerbating the situation further.
This connection between alcohol and domestice use is also echoed in the Quran. If we go just nine verses after the verse that discusses domestic abuse we see that 4:43 prohibits observing the Contact Prayer (Salat) while intoxicated. This progression highlights the Quran’s broader message against aggression and the importance of maintaining spiritual and moral integrity.
4:43 O you who believe, do not observe the Contact Prayers (Salat) while intoxicated, so that you know what you are saying. Nor after sexual orgasm without bathing, unless you are on the road, traveling; if you are ill or traveling, or you had urinary or fecal-related excretion (such as gas), or contacted the women (sexually), and you cannot find water, you shall observe Tayammum (dry ablution) by touching clean dry soil, then wiping your faces and hands therewith. GOD is Pardoner, Forgiver.
Despite one of the strongest prohibitions in the Quran against alcohol and all forms of intoxicaation (5:90-91), God understands that not everyone will be able to kick this habit and become the ideal submitter overnight. The journey to becoming a devoted submitter requires time, effort, and overcoming personal struggles. For those grappling with alcohol addiction, God provides a clear path to break free from this dependency.
God recognizes that personal transformation takes time. The requirement to be sober for prayer sessions creates a structured opportunity for individuals to gradually reduce their alcohol consumption. Performing Salat while sober not only fulfills a religious duty but also fosters spiritual development. This growth helps individuals build inner strength and resilience against their addictions. Sobriety naturally leads to a reduction in aggressive behavior. As individuals refrain from drinking, their clarity of mind improves, reducing the likelihood of domestic violence.
The Quran explicitly states that one must not be intoxicated while performing Salat (prayer). This directive encourages individuals to refrain from drinking in order to fulfill their religious obligations. By working towards sobriety for the sake of prayer, individuals not only grow spiritually but also experience a reduction in aggression and, ultimately, a decrease in domestic violence.
THE QURAN’S STEPS AGAINST DRINKING & DOMESTIC ABUSE
In the past, the common belief was that there was little hope for alcoholics, and once someone became an alcoholic, there was virtually no possibility of overcoming the addiction. Bill Wilson, co-founder of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), revolutionized addiction recovery with the introduction of the 12-Step Program. This program was based on the revolutionary idea of surrendering control to God and recognizing that one cannot overcome alcoholism without divine help.
The 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) are a set of principles designed to help individuals recover from alcoholism by promoting personal accountability, spiritual growth, and community support. Here are the 12 Steps as outlined by AA:
We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.
Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
The 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) emphasize personal reflection, accountability, making amends, and fostering a spiritual connection. These steps form the core of AA’s program, providing a structured path to recovery for those struggling with alcoholism. By underscoring the necessity of a higher power for sobriety, individuals find the spiritual strength and support needed to overcome their addiction. This reliance on God, coupled with a supportive community, transforms the journey to sobriety from a solitary struggle to a collective effort, significantly increasing the chances of long-term recovery for countless people.
Similarly God provides His own program, through the verses of the Quran, to rid people of not only alcoholism, but all forms of sins that one may be accustom to before turning righteous. As we will see between these two key verses, 4:34 & 4:43, the Quran offers additional practical guidance to reform both the abuser and the abusive situation. These teachings collectively provide a comprehensive approach to overcoming addiction and promoting a more peaceful and harmonious life.
FAMILY INVOLVMENT & SUPPORT
Immediately after the verse addressing domestic abuse, it states the following:
4:35 If a couple fears separation, you shall appoint an arbitrator from his family and an arbitrator from her family; if they decide to reconcile, GOD will help them get together. GOD is Omniscient, Cognizant.
This verse offers profound guidance that can be instrumental in helping a domestic abuser change their behavior and aid in their recovery. A person struggling with anger and aggression often fears exposure of their faults, especially to their spouse’s family. This verse encourages transparency and accountability by involving arbitrators from both families. It necessitates the abuser to confront their actions and take responsibility. The involvement of family members creates a layer of social accountability, making it harder for the abuser to hide their behavior. This oversight can act as a deterrent to future abuse.
The verse promotes dialogue and mediation by appointing arbitrators. This process can help uncover underlying issues leading to abusive behavior and work towards resolving them in a structured and supportive environment. Family arbitrators provide a support system for both the victim and the abuser. This support is crucial for the abuser to feel understood and for the victim to feel protected.
The verse assures that if the couple decides to reconcile, God’s help will be with them. This spiritual assurance can motivate the abuser to genuinely seek reconciliation and change their behavior, knowing they are not alone in this journey. Emphasizing God’s omniscience and cognizance, the verse offers hope that true repentance and efforts to reconcile will be supported by divine guidance. This can inspire the abuser to strive for positive change, believing in the possibility of redemption.
By addressing the problem through arbitration and reconciliation, the verse aims for long-term solutions rather than temporary fixes. This holistic approach helps break the cycle of abuse, promoting sustained behavior change. Involving family members from both sides ensures that any agreement or change in behavior is supported and monitored by a broader community, reducing the chances of relapse into abusive patterns.
Sura 4, verse 35, provides a structured and compassionate framework for addressing domestic abuse. It emphasizes the importance of accountability, constructive dialogue, and family support in resolving conflicts. By promoting transparency and offering spiritual assurance of God’s help in reconciliation, the verse creates a path for abusers to acknowledge their faults, seek genuine change, and rebuild their relationships on a foundation of mutual respect and divine guidance. This approach not only aids in the immediate recovery from abusive behavior but also helps in preventing future instances, fostering a safer and more supportive family environment.
PATH TO REDEMPTION: NECESSITY OF WORSHIPING GOD ALONE & CARING FOR OTHERS
The following verse states:
4:36 You shall worship GOD alone—do not associate anything with Him. You shall regard the parents, the relatives, the orphans, the poor, the related neighbor, the unrelated neighbor, the close associate, the traveling alien, and your servants. GOD does not like the arrogant show-offs.
This verse offers profound guidance that can be instrumental in helping a domestic abuser change their behavior and aid in their recovery. To worship God alone and not associate anything with Him means placing divine commandments above personal desires and impulses. For a domestic abuser, this requires a shift from self-centeredness to a God-centered life, acknowledging that their abusive actions are not just harmful but also sinful and against God’s commands. The act of worshiping God alone emphasizes humility and submission. An abuser must recognize their arrogance and need for control, replacing these with humility and a commitment to follow God’s guidance in treating others with respect and kindness.
The verse instructs believers to regard various members of their community, including parents, relatives, orphans, the poor, neighbors, and subordinates. This directive fosters empathy and compassion, encouraging the abuser to consider the feelings and well-being of those they harm. It highlights the importance of seeing others’ pain and suffering, promoting a sense of shared humanity. By emphasizing the regard for others, the verse underlines the interconnectedness of society. It calls for recognizing the impact of one’s actions on the family and the broader community. This can help the abuser understand the extensive harm caused by their behavior, motivating them to change.
The command to regard others is an antidote to self-absorption. It requires the abuser to look beyond their own needs and desires, fostering a mindset of service and care for others. This shift is crucial in breaking the cycle of abuse, which often stems from a focus on self-gratification and control. Replacing harmful behaviors with productive and positive actions is essential in recovery. By directing attention to the needs and welfare of others, the verse encourages the abuser to engage in acts of kindness and support, which can help rebuild trust and relationships damaged by their actions.
The verse provides a framework for addressing not just the symptoms but the root causes of abusive behavior, including arrogance, lack of empathy, and self-centeredness. By focusing on worshiping God alone and regarding others, an abuser can find a pathway to genuine repentance and lasting change. Turning to God and seeking divine guidance provides spiritual strength and support, essential for overcoming the deep-seated issues that lead to domestic abuse. It promotes a holistic approach to recovery, integrating spiritual, emotional, and social dimensions.
In summary, verse 36 offers a comprehensive guide that can significantly aid a domestic abuser in their journey toward recovery. By fostering humility, empathy, and a God-centered approach to life, it helps individuals break free from the destructive patterns of abuse and build a foundation for a more compassionate and respectful relationship with others.
THE DEVIL COMPANION
4:37 The ones who are stingy, exhort the people to be stingy, and conceal what GOD has bestowed upon them from His bounties. We have prepared for the disbelievers a shameful retribution.
4:38 They give money to charity only to show off, while disbelieving in GOD and the Last Day. If one’s companion is the devil, that is the worst companion.
4:39 Why do they not believe in GOD and the Last Day, and give from GOD’s provisions to them? GOD is fully aware of them.
The verses 4:37-4:39 from the Quran serve as a powerful reflection for domestic abusers and alcoholics, urging them to control their sinful impulses and make a concerted effort to turn righteous. These verses highlight the importance of generosity, sincerity, and belief in God and the Hereafter, while warning against the influence of inner demons that lead individuals astray.
Verse 37 condemns those who are stingy and encourage others to be stingy, concealing the bounties bestowed upon them by God. This verse underscores the importance of using one’s resources for the greater good and not hoarding them selfishly. For domestic abusers and alcoholics, this can be seen as a call to recognize and combat their selfish impulses. These individuals often prioritize their desires over the well-being of others, causing harm to those around them. By acknowledging their flaws and striving to be more generous and considerate, they can begin to overcome their destructive tendencies.
Verse 38 criticizes those who give to charity only to show off while disbelieving in God and the Last Day. This verse emphasizes the importance of sincerity in one’s actions. For those struggling aggression or intoxicatns, it highlights the need to genuinely seek change rather than merely putting on a facade of righteousness. The verse also mentions that those who have the devil as their companion are in the worst company. This metaphor of the devil as a companion reflects the inner demons that drive individuals to commit sinful acts. Recognizing and confronting these inner demons is crucial for anyone striving to change their ways.
Verse 39 questions why people do not believe in God and the Last Day and give from God’s provisions sincerely. This verse serves as a reminder of the Hereafter and the ultimate accountability that awaits everyone. For domestic abusers and alcoholics, the awareness of the Hereafter can act as a powerful deterrent against their harmful behaviors. The knowledge that their actions will be judged and that there are consequences beyond this life can motivate them to stay on the straight and narrow path.
These verses collectively call for a deep self-reflection and a commitment to righteous behavior. They remind individuals that their actions have consequences and that sincerity, generosity, and belief in God are essential qualities for a righteous life. By internalizing these teachings, domestic abusers and alcoholics can work towards overcoming their sinful impulses and lead a life that is pleasing to God and beneficial to those around them. If they make the necessary strides towards being righteous by spending in the cause of God, God will return the favor upon them manifold and most importatnly rid them of their demons and grant them a garment of righteousness.
DIVINE JUSTIC FOR VICTIMS & WARNINGS FOR OFFENDERS
4:40 GOD does not inflict an atom’s weight of injustice. On the contrary, He multiplies the reward manifold for the righteous work, and grants from Him a great recompense.
4:41 Thus, when the day (of judgment) comes, we will call upon a witness from each community, and you (the messenger) will serve as a witness among these people.
4:42 On that day, those who disbelieved and disobeyed the messenger will wish that they were level with the ground; not a single utterance will they be able to hide from GOD.
The verses from the Quran provide a powerful message about divine justice and accountability, which is particularly relevant for addressing the actions of domestic abusers.
Verse 40 assures that God’s justice is perfect and unerring. It emphasizes that not even the smallest act will escape His judgment. For a domestic abuser, this means that every act of abuse, no matter how minor it may seem, will be accounted for. By contrasting the meticulous justice with the manifold rewards for righteous deeds, this verse encourages individuals to turn towards good deeds. For abusers, this is a call to repent and change their ways to seek God’s favor.
Verse 41 highlights that witnesses will be called from each community on the Day of Judgment. This underscores that one’s actions are not only seen by God but also by the community, and these will be testified to. Domestic abusers are thus reminded that their actions are observed and will be testified against. The mention of community witnesses reinforces the notion that abusers are accountable not just to God but also to their community and moral leaders. This adds an additional layer of deterrence and encourages societal intervention.
Verse 42 starkly portrays the reality of the Day of Judgment. It states that those who disbelieved and disobeyed will be overwhelmed by regret and will have no way to hide their actions from God. For domestic abusers, this is a clear warning that their deeds will be fully exposed and they will be held accountable. The imagery of wishing to be level with the ground underscores the profound regret and helplessness that will be felt by those who committed injustices. This can serve as a deterrent for abusers, encouraging them to seek repentance and change their ways before it is too late.
These verses collectively emphasize that God’s justice is all-encompassing and flawless. Domestic abusers are reminded that they cannot escape divine judgment, and every act of abuse will be accounted for, no matter how hidden or minor it might seem. By highlighting the rewards for righteousness and the severe consequences for disobedience, these verses encourage abusers to repent and change their behavior. They offer hope that turning towards good deeds can lead to divine forgiveness and recompense. The vivid description of the regret and exposure on the Day of Judgment serves as a powerful warning. It underscores the futility of trying to hide one’s wrongdoings and the importance of seeking forgiveness and rectifying one’s actions while there is still time.
Verses 40-42 provide a comprehensive framework for understanding the importance of divine justice and accountability, especially in the context of domestic abuse. They serve as a reminder that no action escapes God’s notice, and ultimate accountability is inevitable. This perspective can motivate domestic abusers to seek repentance, change their behavior, and align their actions with divine commandments, thereby fostering a more just and compassionate society.
If we return back to 4:43, we have already discussed the impact that alcohol has on domestic violence, but there is another lesson in this as well. The verse states, “do not observe the Contact Prayers (Salat) while intoxicated.”
4:43 O you who believe, do not observe the Contact Prayers (Salat) while intoxicated, so that you know what you are saying. Nor after sexual orgasm without bathing, unless you are on the road, traveling; if you are ill or traveling, or you had urinary or fecal-related excretion (such as gas), or contacted the women (sexually), and you cannot find water, you shall observe Tayammum (dry ablution) by touching clean dry soil, then wiping your faces and hands therewith. GOD is Pardoner, Forgiver.
The word for intoxication, “ sukārā” ( سُكَـٰرَىٰ), is not limited to alcohol. The concept of intoxication in the below verses from the Quran extends beyond the literal sense of consuming alcohol or substances. Instead, it metaphorically describes various states of human experience that cloud judgment and perception, impairing one’s ability to see and understand reality clearly.
Dazzling the Eyes
15:14 Even if we opened for them a gate into the sky, through which they climb;
15:15 they will say, “Our eyes have been deceived. We have been bewitched.”
Here, intoxication symbolizes a state of deception and bewilderment. Even witnessing a miraculous event, the people dismiss it as an illusion or bewitchment, indicating a profound inability to perceive the truth due to their metaphorical intoxication.
Intoxication of Lust
15:72 But, alas, they (the people of Lot) were totally blinded by their lust.
This intoxication refers to being overwhelmed by lust, leading to blindness to moral and ethical considerations. The people of Lot are described as being so consumed by their desires that it clouds their judgment and leads to their downfall.
Intoxicated by Fear
22:2 The day you witness it, even a nursing mother will discard her infant, and a pregnant woman will abort her fetus. You will see the people staggering, as if they are intoxicated, even though they are not intoxicated. This is because GOD’s retribution is so awesome.
Intoxication here metaphorically represents extreme fear and panic. The description of people staggering as if intoxicated, despite not being under the influence, highlights the overwhelming terror and chaos caused by God’s retribution, affecting their mental and physical states.
Intoxicated of Death
50:19 Finally, the inevitable coma ( intoxication) of death comes; this is what you tried to evade.
This refers to the inevitable and overwhelming experience of death. The term intoxication is used to describe the profound and consuming nature of the approach of death, which is unavoidable and deeply affecting.
Intoxicated by Alcohol
16:67 And from the fruits of date palms and grapes you produce intoxication, as well as good provisions. This should be (sufficient) proof for people who understand.
Here, intoxication is referred to in its literal sense, describing the production of alcoholic beverages from dates and grapes. This verse contrasts the harmful effects of intoxication with the good provisions that can also be produced, urging people to reflect on the proper use of these resources.
Summary of Intoxication
The common theme of intoxication across these verses illustrates various forms of mental and spiritual impairment. Whether through deception, lust, fear, or the literal consumption of alcohol, intoxication symbolizes a state of being that hinders clear judgment, moral integrity, and spiritual awareness.
Anger and belligerence, leading to domestic abuse, can similarly be understood as forms of intoxication. When someone is consumed by anger, their judgment becomes clouded, moral considerations are overshadowed, and they act impulsively and destructively, much like the effects of substance intoxication.