Wife beating and domestic violence lead the issue, with Fatimah Khaldoon reading Quran 4:34 as a stepwise law of talking, then deserting the bed, that protects women and leaves no room for abuse, against interpretations drawn from Hadith and Sunna. Hotlines and web resources for abused wives follow, along with readers' letters about the website and Dr. Khalifa's translation of the Quran.
Domestic violence represented
by wife beating or abuse is rampant in this country and around the world.
While the exact numbers on domestic violence incidents differ, because
this is such an under-reported crime there are statistics on which most
experts agree.
1. In 1984 the US Surgeon General declared domestic violence as this
nation’s number one health problem. (US Surgeon General)
2. A woman is beaten every 15 seconds by her partner; it happens at some
time in 25-35 % of American homes; 4,000 women die from such abuse each
year. (FBI)
3. Physical abuse by male social partners is the single most common source
of injury among women ages 15 to 44, more common than auto accidents,
muggings and rape by a stranger combined. (U.S. Surgeon General, 1989)
4. In USA, medical costs from domestic violence
total at least $3-5 billion annually. At least another $100 million can
be added to the cost to businesses in lost wages, sick leave and absenteeism.
(Sylvia Porter, For Your Money’s Worth)
5. Women of all cultures, races, occupations, income levels, and ages
are battered by husbands, boy friends, lovers and partners. (Surgeon General
Antonia Novello, as quoted in Domestic Violence: Battered Women, publication
of the Reference Department of the Cambridge Public Library, Cambridge,
MA)
6. Approximately one-third of the men counseled (for battering) at Emerge
are professional men who are well respected in their jobs and their communities.
These have included doctors, psychologists, lawyers, ministers, and business
executives. (For Shelter and Beyond, Massachusetts
Coalition of Battered Women Service Groups, Boston, MA 1990)
Statistics such as these should awaken all those in denial of the fact
that wife beating and abuse is an endemic disease in all different cultures,
religions and communities. It is as common in Western as it is in Eastern
societies.
Men in Western (and Eastern) societies do not abuse their wives because
of scriptural teachings, but because of a natural instinct of domination
and aggression. God, knowing this, has therefore decreed a perfect law
to help men control their temper and to solve any problems before resorting
to physical aggression.
These statistics reflect the failure of modern societies in treating
this perilous condition in men.
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Wife Beating
Despite advances in modern psychology and improved understanding
of behavioral patterns of men, civilized and uncivilized, a successful
solution to this aggressive behavior has not been found by man.
A solution has however been presented to the world in the Quran,
the Final Testament, more than 1400 years ago, in verse 4:34.
4:34 The men are made responsible for the women,
and GOD has endowed them with certain qualities, and made them the
bread earners. The righteous women will cheerfully accept this arrangement,
since it is GOD’s commandment, and honor their husbands during
their absence. If you experience rebellion from the women, you shall
first talk to them, then (you may use negative incentives like)
deserting them in bed, then you may (as a last alternative) beat
them. If they obey you, you are not permitted to transgress against
them. GOD is Most High, Supreme.
At first glance this verse may appear as if promoting physical
abuse of women. But when reading 4:34 carefully one realizes that
it actually prohibits abuse and beating of women by using the best
psychological approach.
The advice to first talk and then avoid sexual contact, provides
the necessary time and space for both parties to cool off, reason,
examine the problem and reach a favorable agreement for both of
them.
Abuse of a wife will NOT happen if the man learns to follow the
clear commandments of God in this verse and in the order decreed.
Abuse will only happen when a man does
NOT follow these commandments, and thus fails to cool off and reason
with himself or with his wife.
Sura 4, where we read 4:34, entitled “The Women,” is
one of the longest chapters in the Quran. It deals with many of
the rights and responsibilities of women, rights that were first
available to western women only a few decades ago, and some that
still aren’t. The theme of this sura (chapter) is to defend
women’s rights, and countering injustice and oppression of
women. Thus, any interpretation of verses in Sura 4 must be in favor
of the women, not the other way around.
Unfortunately 4:34 is extremely abused by many of the so-called
“Muslim” men in the world. While disregarding their
own obligations and their own righteousness, these men only focus
on the third step of handling this difficult condition as described
in 4:34, skip the first two necessary steps and give themselves
the excuse to beat their wives. They find support for their misguided
and biased views, and for treating their spouses unjustly, in the
fabrications of the so-called Hadith and Sunna. They thus misrepresent
the true Islam (Submission), and divert people from this perfect
and just religion for all.
We have to remember that the right given to the man in 4:34, can
only be claimed when you have a situation with a righteous man on
one hand dealing with a situation in which his wife repeatedly commits
“Neshooz” which is an unrighteous, wicked and rebellious
act. Abusing this law and the attempt to apply it to regular daily
marital disagreements is not warranted by the strong and selective
wording of the verse. Furthermore, for a man to demand or claim
this
right, he must first give that woman
all the rights God has given her and follow all aspects of the commandment
without skipping any part of it. God clearly says in the Quran that
He has decreed for the men and the women rights and obligations
equitably (2:228).
In reality, a believing husband would most probably NEVER come
to the stage where he would actually lay a hand on his wife. He
would be much too careful to examine his own motives first, as a
God fearing man, before exercising this right. As we see in the
verse immediately following 4:34, when the marriage reaches this
stage it’s on its way to end, as the very next words in the
Quran reads; “If a couple fears separation…”
Most women in the world today do not enjoy the protection verse
4:34 grants them. Instead they are unjustly abused, verbally and
physically, by unrighteous men in unrighteous ways, and get beaten
up for the most trivial of reasons, or for no reason at all. According
to 4:34 even if the husband has a good reason, he is not allowed
to lay a hand on his wife until he has passed all the previous steps.
The woman’s responsibility in a marriage starts the day
she chooses a husband. If she wants to enjoy her God given rights,
she must obey her God given commands, and choose a believing husband.
Thus, she can expect him to treat her in accordance with God’s
decree, and not transgress against her. She can expect from a believing
husband that he will heed any reminder she gives him, if he forgets.
If she chooses to disregard God’s commands, she has to know
that there will be consequences.
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Wife Beating
If women expect the men’s deeds to have consequences, they
should expect the same for themselves. These consequences are however
well controlled to protect the women from the outrage of the angry
husbands as we can find in God’s law for the believers in
4:34.
We also learn that one of the traits of the righteous is that they
suppress anger.
3:134 “…They are suppressors of anger,
and pardoners of the people. GOD loves the charitable.”
The nature and essence of a healthy relationship between a husband
and wife is beautifully expressed in the following verse from the
Quran:
30:21 Among His proofs is that He created for you
spouses from among yourselves, in order to have tranquility and
contentment with each other, and He placed in your hearts love and
care towards your spouses. In this, there are sufficient proofs
for people who think.
3:195 Their Lord responded to them: “I never
fail to reward any worker among you for any work you do, be you
MALE OR FEMALE, YOU ARE EQUAL TO ONE ANOTHER....”
When facing difficult times, even if the man dislikes his wife,
God has decreed:
4:19 O you who believe, it is not lawful for you
to inherit what the women leave behind, against their will. You
shall not force them to give up anything you had given them, unless
they
commit a proven adultery.
You shall treat them nicely. If you dislike them, you may dislike
something wherein GOD has placed a lot of good.
And when divorce happens, the full respect to the wife is urged:
2:229 Divorce may be retracted twice. The divorced
woman shall be allowed to live in the same home amicably, or leave
it amicably. It is not lawful for the husband to take back anything
he had given her. However, the couple may fear that they may transgress
GOD’s law. If there is fear that they may transgress GOD’s
law, they commit no error if the wife willingly gives back whatever
she chooses. These are GOD’s laws; do not transgress them.
Those who transgress GOD’s laws are the unjust.
In conclusion; A BELIEVING wife and a BELIEVING husband should
NEVER get to the point where beating of the wife enters the picture.
A BELIEVING couple will consult one another and agree on the best
way to solve their differences as verse 4:34 and the whole scripture
recommends.
We have to know that we are not in this world to protect unrighteous
behavior. We are in this world to be given a last chance to make
the right choice and submit to God alone. Making the wrong choices
will have consequences for all of us, both in this world and in
the eternal Hereafter, for women and men equally.
God is the Most Just, the Most Merciful.
Fatimah Khaldoon
Resources for Abused Wives— Where
to Turn for Help:
National Hotline, in the USA:
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE
TDD for the Hearing Impaired:
1-800-787-3224
Some WWW Resources:
Family Violence Prevention Fund
SafetyNet: domestic violence information and resources.
Blain Nelson’s Abuse Pages: a domestic violence resource
page put together by a recovering abusive husband.
Domestic violence information from the Sanford ME Police Department.
Includes a partial list of hotlines in the United States.
Facts on domestic violence from the Open Door Shelter in Arizona.
Page 4
Comments on the Web
I have read your web pages and various articles. I find them astounding.
I am American, born Catholic, raised Christian, converted to Sunni Muslim
over a year ago. I have found myself loving God all of my life... but
I have been at cross ends with man-made religion. I only believe and have
faith in the creator not any flesh and blood man or men. I believe that
God can inspire men and sends prophets and teaches for glorifying Him,
but I have refused to assume any flesh and blood person could be equal
to God Almighty! Yet for all the claims of Islam, I find some things that
definitely disturb me.
I want to know more about you. I seem to agree with many of your principles
and teachings so far that I have read. Please send me a newsletter in
my mail….
A.
* * * * * *
Asalam alaikum brothers & sisters submiters
Today will be a day to remember. It’s been three weeks since I’ve
been on your web site meditating and changing a great deal from my spiritual
practice you made me acknowledge. My real teacher of the Qu‘ran
is Allah of course….
May Al Gayyum (the Eternal) always protect the faithful ones.
A submitter in Port Au Prince Haiti.
* * * * * *
Salám,
I have not visited your site for a few months. It was like returning
to a good friend with excellent articles and
words of wisdom.
Dr Khalifa’s translation of the Quran that I was sent last year
is a daily-read treasure. I have recommended to a friend in Brittany
since he wants to learn more about Islam, that this is the best place
to start.
R S
* * * * * *
Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank
you, thank you & thank you again for your website.
A Submitter
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